Started with some possible sketches of his Black, Maryam (I like mounts having names that start with 'M' for some reason...), then I tried to draw him running without a reference. Pretty fail, but I think I captured his happy go lucky and his crazy wild hair. First portrait of a dragon in flight without reference...not too bad.
Xiren was a Dragonrider with no mother (died) and an extremely difficult father. He was a Dragonlord, and therefore had extremely high expectations of his happy-go-lucky son, who was kept isolated to cut off his cheerful streak and make him into a serious man. When he got his Black (a traditionally unlucky color) from a hatching, his father was disappointed in both his mount and his ecstatic attitude about getting her.
He grew up in the mountains then and made lots of friends, where his father couldn't limit his growth, but he was always close by, harassing him, physically abusing him, etc. Having no other parental figure to turn to, and the only model of adulthood being one of violence, his mind began to break and he began to have violent thoughts. These in turn twisted the mind of his dragon, and they spiralled downward together until, one stormy day after a particularly brutal display of abuse from his father and the assurances that he would both never make Dragonlord and was to be immediately transferred to the far reaches of the world, away from those he loved...
He killed his father and his aides. All of them, innocent or no. And he felt nothing.
He flew away on Maryam and went further crazy with guilt and the fact that he sometimes felt nothing but numbness. He started thirsting for power, resenting the other riders for branding him as a murderer so unjustly. He killed anyone who tried to take him, he took what he wanted. He had a bastard son by an elf, who she kept and named Karimo. He one day grew up and put an end to the killings of the father: the first and last time he met him, they were both on their Black mounts, weapons in hand, and Karimo left with blood on his hands and a sense of ease in his conscience.
And all this, from the smiling, happy youth who just wanted to play with his dragon.
So Xiren is Kurimo's father? Interesting story, but I think the whole 'he felt nothing' thing is a little extreme given the information we have here. It just sounds like you really want to establish him as totally devoid of feeling...but the preface to that is unconvincing, in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteThe final line is also unnecessarily condescending. "The happy little boy wanted to play with his dragon but zomg he couldn't: Feel bad for him!" Let the information make us deduce that naturally about him. Especially when acting as a concluding line of the whole segment, it seems extremely stifled and forced upon us. I just feel that what you want us to feel there should be a product of his life story and the way you show it.
I suppose you were deliberately vague in the confrontation with Kurimo...and that the knowledge that he kills his father isn't exactly a precious spoiler...but the whole thing does feel a bit unsatisfying.
That, of course along with everything else I've said, is pretty much entirely due to the length of this little post. I just wanted to make some general comments about it though, since you are lacking feedback.
Thanks very much for the feedback! Unlike the previous two posts, this wasn't much of a story, but more of a rough outline I was figuring out for Xiren's life. The whole thing is much longer and in the process of fleshing out.
ReplyDeleteEssentially, the idea for this came from(terribly, but good ideas can morph from...silly places) the Linkin Park song "Numb". I just sort of imagined him growing up and his decent into madness to that song in the form of a short movie, and was thinking about him so much I just sketched him out as a kid. Realistically, things need to be changed so that it's not cliche and terrible.
Totally agree that the last line was waaaay too much.
Thanks so much for a breakdown analysis though, I appreciate it a lot.
=)
PS: It's 'Karimo', not "Kurimo". Specially cause Kuriumo looks Jap.